Whenever your regular red-blooded American thinks of water damage restoration, they shudder and recall the hours they wasted that one time toiling over a bucket they dug out of the tool shed hauling loads of murky brown water out of the basement after that one really bad storm. Then they sigh and down the rest of their pint lamenting the grand struggle of that afternoon. Their attempts though pale when compared with the undisputed master of flood damage restoration: the biblical Noah.
One other issue is mold removal but let’s stick with the topic of course. While you whine about trashing a good pair of Nikes to pump the water out of the dank rumpus room your wife lets you keep in the basement, Noah was singlehandedly building a titanic wooden Ark with his bare hands. And that was the first of his challenges.
Just contemplate for a couple seconds the discussion between God and Noah that kicked off those wacky antics, and already Noah puts your endeavours at flood damage restoration to miserable shame. God, having completely had it up to here with mankind always smoking dope, punching kittens, and worshipping three headed spider Gods, or whatever else they were doing, chose to crumple up that mistake and sink a three pointer from half court with it. So he says to Noah something like, “Yo, I don’t have the time to get into it, but I’m totally going to submerge the earth beneath an apocalyptic deluge. I saw the way you pumped the water out of that rumpus room last spring and, ye, truly you are the Master of Water Damage Restoration. So first, I’m gunna need you to create an Ark. Then, I’m gunna need you to put on it two of every animal, so they can repopulate themselves, because animals are awesome.”
And Noah said something like: “…every animal?”
According to the bible, that’s just what he did. So maybe your puny efforts in water damage restoration weren’t able to save your Spoons of the World collection from getting all destroyed. That’s worth a complaint or two. But try trekking 4,000 miles to the heart of a Godless subarctic wasteland and singlehandedly wrangling a 500lb flesh eating Siberian Tiger and hauling this horrific brute all the way back and then coercing into a leaky wooden boat. Then once you’re finished: do it once again. That’s one pair of animals down. Only… millions more to go. And it hasn’t even begun to rain yet!
So it starts to rain for 40 days, and the earth floods for another 150 more, which is bad enough as it is when you’re not cooped up on a boat with the entire world’s variety of nightmarish predatory beasts. Then he parks his gigantic floating house of animal horrors on top of a mountain and waits for the flood waters to recede, as per God’s plan. And when he’s accomplished, he presumably puts all the animals back where he found them (because I can’t imagine letting all the world’s animals out at once into a huge mosh pit of Discovery Channel brand bedlam could probably be pretty). And when all is said and done, the entire Earth is repopulated. Now that’s flood damage restoration.